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The Strangers Will Make You Soil Yourself

Other than paternity suits, convincing transvestites, and the discovery that eating Lucky Charms can give you syphilis/mad cow disease/AIDS, there’s little that scares Ayo! Scott. Put plainly, Ayo! Scott is no bitch. And yet The Strangers, a taut little home invasion thriller, had me shook like a prick after a piss (it’s good to the last drop).

The story is simple. Kristen and James (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) arrive at his family’s isolated vacation home for a very awkward getaway after she rejects his marriage proposal. As if it weren’t torturous enough spending the night together surrounded by the champagne and rose petals he’s set up in anticipation of her acceptance, a malicious, seemingly motive-less, masked trio arrives to terrorize them with sharp objects, window scribbling, and the ability to disappear quickly before double-takes.

What the movie lacks in plot complexity and character development, it makes up for by building suspense with minimal gore and consistently startling you even when you expect the tormentors to pop out. First-time feature director Bryan Bertino does a great job of finding the bitch in you, again and again. So if you want a woman to grab a hold of your arm, The Strangers is a great choice. Just put the cologne on heavy in case you shit yourself. See the bowel-loosening trailer below.