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Allover Print 40 Cozys Might Get You Stomped Out

Being a media company means we get some weird shit sent our way: pink tasers, XXXL Sizzurp t-shirts, even a Chingo Bling bobblehead (look out for him in an upcoming Complex video!). And for the most part, we let sleeping dogs lie; if we happen upon something spottieottiedopalicious, we’ll mention it, but most of the stuff just falls by the wayside. On rare occasions, though—and we’re talking about as often as Busta Rhymes has a sense of humor about himself—we get sent something that’s so impossibly egregious, so jaw-dropping in its wrongheadedness, that we have no choice but to put it on blast like Peter North popping a Cialis at Cape Canaveral. And today, that something is, ahem…

AN ALLOVER PRINT COZY FOR A FUCKING 40-OUNCE.

Yes, the good people at 40cozy.com sent us a sample of this abortion; it features an alternating pattern of crowns and malt liquor bottles. Oh, and it also comes in such non-presumptuous options like bandana print and camouflage! The official motto is “Bringing a little class to the front porch.” AHAHAHAHAHA! White people are totally keeping it real! We sent them a letter suggesting an alternate motto: “Keep your cargo shorts dry, you clown-ass motherfuckers, so that you can rap along to Chronic-era Snoop songs and feel the illicit thrill of yelling the N-bomb along with your meaty-necked frat brothers before you go tongue each other’s asses in the name of brotherhood.” Is the 40 Cozy sufficient grounds for stomping someone out on G.P.? Weigh in on our poll after the jump.

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