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The Official Complex Iron Man Review

Words: Ayo! Scott

Like your superheroes hard-bodied? Don’t find anything super about the Man of Steel’s tights? Lucky for you, Iron Man, the latest of the Marvel superheroes to hit the big screen, is as hard as they come, and so is his debut movie. With comic adaptations, you never know if you’ll get something that’s sharp and true to the source material, like X-Men or Spider-Man, or something like Daredevil, Hulk, and both the ’89 and ’04 versions of The Punisher, that fudges things like a shit stain.

Iron Man director Jon Favreau and his design team get props for all the variations of the Iron Man suit (word to the nipples on George Clooney’s Batman) and the proper doses of sexuality and violence (Iron Man is not for the kids, unless those lil’ fuckers are already serial killing on GTA IV). Robert Downey Jr. brilliantly portrays Tony Stark, the alcoholic playboy arms manufacturer who’s taken captive by terrorists and forced to create an armored suit to escape. Really, you’d swear Downey has first-hand knowledge of what it’s like to be an addict and a prisoner. Jeff Bridges will forever be “The Dude” to us, but after seeing the depths of his villainy as Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger we wouldn’t be surprised if he secretly molests grandmothers. Our biggest complaint about Iron Man is that Terrence Howard’s high-pitched voice sounds like a woman’s. He’s playing an Air Force Colonel; can’t he at least act like his balls have dropped? Thankfully that’s a minor hiccup in what is otherwise a standard-setting superhero flick and summer blockbuster. For real, this Iron bangs. Check out the Iron Man trailer (and our 3 minute reenactment) after the jump.