Where the NBA Playoffs Happen

Complex's quick thoughts on all the first-round match-ups popping off this weekend.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Los Angeles Lakers (1) vs. Denver Nuggets (8)
(Sunday, 3:00 PM ET, ABC)
Complex Sez: The state of Colorado tried to take Kobe down with a rape charge. Think he remembers?

New Orleans Hornets (2) vs. Dallas Mavericks (7)
(Saturday, 7:00 PM ET, ESPN)
Complex Sez: If the Mavs lose in the first round again, we're betting Dirk disappears into the Australian outback again to run wild with the dingoes for the rest of his days.

San Antonio Spurs (3) vs. Phoenix Suns (6)
(Saturday, 3:00 PM ET, ABC)
Complex Sez: It's safe to say Robert Horry won't give Steve Nash a forearm shiver this year'not unless he wants Shaq to tear the rim down power dunking his head.

Utah Jazz (4) vs. Houston Rockets (5)
(Saturday, 9:30 PM ET, ESPN)
Complex Sez: T-Mac has never been out of the first round of the playoffs. He's shooting with blue balls.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Boston Celtics (1) vs. Atlanta Hawks (8)
(Sunday, 8:30 PM ET, TNT)
Complex Sez: With KG keeping the C's focused, there should be several blowouts'including the ratio of Boston fans to Atlanta's fan.

Detroit Pistons (2) vs. Philadelphia 76ers (7)
(Sunday, 6:00 PM ET, TNT)
Complex Sez: Sheed's pre-game windmill segues directly into a mass tea-bagging of the Sixers.

Orlando Magic (3) vs. Toronto Raptors (6)
(Sunday, 12:30 PM ET, TNT)
Complex Sez: Stan Van Gundy has all the perks of looking like Ron Jeremy, only he can't fellate himself.

Cleveland Cavaliers (4) vs. Washington Wizards (5)
(Saturday, 12:30 PM ET, ESPN)
Complex Sez: If DeShawn Stevenson is Soulja Boy to LeBron James's Jay-Z, who's the ho who gets skeeted on? Youuuuuuu?

Related: Kobe Is Back On Top!