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Kobe Is Back On Top!

With a 124-101 thrashing of the Sacramento Kings Tuesday in their final regular season game, Kobe Bryant’s Los Angeles Lakers (57-25) secured the number-one seed in the NBA’s Western Conference Playoffs. A complete asshole might make a reference to Bryant’s 2003 sexual assault charge and say he’s back on top (but only a complete asshole). After the jump, we recount the saga of Kobe’s long, hard road back from the bottom.

Five years ago, a 19-year-old Colorado resort employee accused Bryant of raping her. He’d allegedly hit bottom (word to Sodom) and then would go on to hit a more figurative low over the next 14 months before the case was eventually dropped. The league’s suddenly fallible golden boy had to state publicly, his wife by his side, that he’d had consensual extramarital sex with his accuser (we’re sure the consensual bit helped smooth things right over at the Bryant home). Companies like McDonald’s and Nutella terminated his endorsement contracts.

With the added pressure of the trial, and a stunning loss to the Detroit Pistons in the 2004 Finals, Bryant’s already strained relationship with superstar center Shaquille O’Neal soured further and the star guard forced brass to ship the Diesel to Miami—cutting short a potential dynasty and denying the world a possible “Wood in the Hood” collabo rap album between the two stars. In Miami, O’Neal won another title with Dwyane Wade.

Bryant, finally the center of attention in L.A., struggled with a less talented supporting cast. Last off-season, sick of a third straight season without a playoff series win, Bryant criticized his teammates and Lakers management for not trading them, and then tried his best to get shipped out. When the season started, Laker fans who’d supported him during the rape allegations were morally outraged by his treachery and booed their beloved superstar.

In the end, the Lakers kept Bryant, who matured as a leader while the team’s young players developed into legit role players and GM Mitch Kupchak pulled off a completely one-sided trade for the Memphis Grizzlies’ talented seven-foot power forward/center Pau Gasol. Now, many people favor them to win it all. To do so, Bryant must return to the great state where he was accused of rape and dominate the Denver Nuggets. If he does, he will really come out on top. Again. Allegedly.