NEWS

Golf Gets People Pumped, Awkwardly

The first round of the Masters kicked off today at Augusta National, the temple of golf and discrimination against women. Flip on the tube for your fair share of sun dappled fairways, legions of white people, and, of course, plenty of golf face. The above shot of Tiger Woods, taken after he won the Arnold Palmer Invitational, is just a taste of the kind of orgasmic joysplosion that putting a small white ball into a cup can bring. Since the Masters has rolled around we’ve put together a gallery of A-list awkward victory moments. We’re not saying these dudes shouldn’t get stoked about pocketing major cash. But at the end of the day, this ain’t the major leagues, or hockey, or even lawn darts. It’s just…golf.

Phil Mickelson, Masters, 2004
Win the Masters, mime taking a dump, then get helped into green blazer by another golfer and then head up to Butler Cabin to chill with Jim Nantz. Is that really considered a victory?

Chris DiMarco, Presidents Cup, 2005
To put this into perspective the Presidents Cup is a little bit less glamorous than the Ryder Cup. So it all makes sense now, right?

Tim Herron, The Colonial, 2006
Reason to be thankful that the rules of golf don’t allow players to skin it.

John Daly, British Open, 1995
There’s not so much “golf face” going on, but the mullet is fucking resplendent.

Texas A&M Women’s Golf Team, Big 12 Championship, 2007
Just so you know, women get golf face, too.