5 Reasons To Stop The New Kids On The Block Reunion
Hating New Kids On The Block is only natural. If you’re like us, you probably never got over that time in third grade when your girlfriend admitted she would dump you for Danny Wood if the opportunity came up. We’re not bitter though'there’s no shame in admitting that NKOTB made some halfway decent imitations of New Edition songs (”Please Don’t Go Girl” holds up the best). But damn, with all the hoopla surrounding their official reunion announcement on this morning’s Today show, it seems like people have forgotten the reasons they broke up in the first place. You know, they were kind of a shitty group.
Hoping to put things in perspective, we’ve assembled a highlight reel of some of Jordan, Donnie, Jonathan, Danny and lil’ Joey’s most cringe-worthy moments on camera. Hang tough after the jump.
#5: The 900 Number Commercial
Kids today don’t really have to deal with the scourge of 900-number scams, but this was a major problem back in the late '80s. Poor little girls would call up the hotline'which is $2.00 for the first minute and 45 cents for each additional'and listen to the soothing voices of their Boston bad boys until mom realized her little girl just gave the week’s grocery money to some fuckin’ boy band. Squeezing every last dime out of impressionable underage girls is really something they should leave to Hannah Montana.
#4: The Saturday Morning Cartoon
Even HammerMan was better than this half-baked animated adventure that ran from 1990 to 1991.
#3: “Dirty Dawg” (1994)
This is a good example of what happened when the group severed ties with longtime producer Maurice Starr. As the first single from their final album Face The Music, it gave them a decidedly New Jack swing/hip-hop sound and a much more “ruffneck” image designed to hold up in the gangsta rap era. And 'nuff respect to Greg Nice and Smooth B, but they had no business being on this stinker.
#2: The Doll Commercial
Are YOU the biggest New Kids fan? Are you?? Well, if you don’t buy every single accessory to the NKOTB doll set, you aren’t a real fan. You’re dead to us.
#1: “Funky Funky Christmas” Live on Arsenio Hall
Amidst the Milli Vanilli lip syncing controversey, the Kids hit Arsenio with an interview and performance to prove that they were the real deal. They performed this hit off of their Christmas album, which unfortunately featured all 5 members attempting to rap. Even Donnie'who was by far the least laughable rapper in the group'should be ashamed. Their blatant white-washing of Public Enemy’s vibe was bad enough (they actually say “Kick the Ballistic Santa Claus!” and “Yeeeah Boyeee!”). But the saddest part? Arsenio’s goofy ass ETHERS every single one of them when he spits a few bars.
CARLOS April 4, 2008 at 11:55 pm
W00W
Shannon April 5, 2008 at 11:34 am
Sorry you feel that way. They brought many great memorie to many people and more to come. They can’t be stopped. ;)
Zobiana April 5, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Thank you for making a blog that gives them more attention. Your contribution to the reunion is duly noted. Have a nice day :)
Amanda April 5, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Every time you write something about them, that many more people hear about them!
Jennifer April 5, 2008 at 1:01 pm
The fact that you were STILL able to find their commercials and cartoons from 1990 on you tube should tell you something– they were never forgotten.
And they also used a “number scam” and donated all sales from that Christmas album to help millions of children with Cerebral Palsy. But hey, I’m sure you do your part for the kids too, right?
But yeah, thanks for the media attention! The fans appreciate it!
Amanda April 5, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Ah – enter the haters. The fans knew this reaction was coming. There’s always the jealous boys (who are now men and really should grow up) who hate the New Kids and whine about “artistic purity,” and other such noble concepts. The haters claim the New Kids are “fake” and generated to appeal to the masses.
In all actuality they are brilliant musicians and talented performers who were blessed to be produced under Starr’s fantastic marketing guidance. And judging by the reaction to their reunion annoucement – that concept is SOLID. The fans are loyal today. Don’t be jealous – take notes.
Dravensmommy April 5, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Sounds like your still bitter about the whole getting your heart broken in the 3rd grade thing but really you should move on it’s not healthy to dwell. Thanks for giving more attention to New Kids!
Stacy April 5, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Thanks for the publicity.. Once again I ask the question why? Why would someone go through all the trouble of writing a big article, including various footage, about someone that they supposedly hate?? I mean there are other stories out there for you to cover, but it is just simply this, NKOTB has never been & never will be forgotten!! A point that this writer already knows, no matter what they chose to write in this article, cuz this person knows that writing an article like this is going to draw them a lot of attention. Like it or not NKOTB has millions of fans out there, that care immensely about them, and this article is gonna draw everyone in. NKOTB ARE VERY TALENTED & VERY VERY LOVED.. Y else would these guys have so much support behind them.. They never went anywhere, they may have taken a break from the insanity, but they were always and will always be in our hearts, so try as you may, no matter how many articles like this are written, nothing will change that, all that does is fuel our fire.. & like it or not they will be back at the top, taking over once again where they left off. So thank you yet again, for bringing NKOTB into the spotlight, that draws even more fans, and sells that many more concert tickets!!!!
Faith April 5, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Thanks for the publicity for NKOTB! Writing blogs like this only promotes more publicity. Just face the fact, the guys are talented. This article is filled with complete jealously. I definitely agree with Dravensmommy, you should really move on. Its not healthy to dwell. And thanks again for the shining the spotlight on NKOTB. Peace!
christy April 5, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Great blog! Did you work for Jerry Seinfeld? I mean your wit, it’s impeccable! You don’t sound anything like the millions of other sarcastic bloggers on the web. You’re right about them having no talent; the album sales, the merch, the screaming fans who are still crazy about them…..all a fluke. You go Mr. Blogger man, you’re much better than them!
Kelly April 5, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Thank you for blog. Every time someone writes something about NKOTB that gives the guys that much more publicity. The guys in fact are very talented and I can not wait to go see them when they tour. You are in fact, filled with Jealously, and it is that jealously that feeds your negativity. And I will always remember the words of Donnie Walherg, “We do it our way Who gives a damn about what critics say…And to the non-believers I say peace”
Karen April 5, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I’m a firm believer in “if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all”, so I will just say have a nice day here, and thank you for giving the New Kids some more publicity! It’s blogger’s like you who help spread the word, good or bad, so thanks for making sure at least 4 or 5 more people know about them reuniting!
LONG LIVE THE BLOCK!!!!!!
Penelope April 5, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Thank you for more publicity for the band. Not that they need any help with the millions of fans they have.
Your bitterness seems to relate back to your adolescent years, perhaps when the girl you liked didn’t find you as hot as the New Kids? I’m sure she feels that way today, considering they look better now than ever.
Ava April 5, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Sigh…puhleez, this is like MTV all over again. You and James Montgomery should get together and make out. Look, your one man protest is not going to bring back your 3rd grade girlfriend. I highly doubt she is impressed by your bitter pettiness. NKOTB came back to reconnect with their fans, not with the critics, not with the haters, and certainly not with the cretins who take precious time out to bash on them. The reunion is about the them, their music, and their fans. Don’t you have anything else to do? How about brushing your teeth. Your mouth may smell after having your foot in it.
miaknight April 5, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Jordan shirtless mmmmmmm!
seriously though you guys that waste your time trying to prove that the New Kids suck need to get real, and stop acting like you’re still in the third grade! These five guys are awesome.
WE ARE READY!
♥NKOTBfan4life♥ April 6, 2008 at 2:05 am
5 reasons to love New Kids On The Block:
#5 They are from Boston
#4 They have great voices then and now
#3 They are smokin hot
#2 They have sexy bodies
#1 We ( I ) love them!?!?!?!?!?
Damien82 April 6, 2008 at 3:36 am
you obviously haven’t heard their new song “Click Click Click” it’s better than most of the Trash on the radio these days. Sounds like they never left us at all.
LisaV April 6, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Wow, you know a lot about NKOTB! Impressive.
Anyway, we, the fans, do appreciate this blog. It will only give more attention to the reunion and bring more fans to the concerts. You are doing a great job at that!
NEWKIDSONTHEBLOCK April 8, 2008 at 8:24 pm
HATERS ARE SO SAD ARENT THEY? FIND SOMETHING ELSE BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME! NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK ARE BACK SO DEAL WITH IT. HATERS ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN’T STAND OTHERS WHO HAVE BETTER THINGS THAN THEY DO IN LIFE.
Drea April 8, 2008 at 8:51 pm
I’ll be keeping you in my prayers night after night that you will be able to overcome the hate in your heart for people that you have never met in your life. Doesn’t it get tiring?
Positivity is a much better and classier path to take, gentlemen.
mitcha April 8, 2008 at 9:02 pm
stop the prejudice!!!!!!!!
NEW KIDS FOREVER!!!
They’re back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mitcha April 8, 2008 at 9:11 pm
i got all the dolls !!!
the like barbie ones, and tiny ones..
got a lot of things that i’m really happy and proud!!!
Lisa April 8, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Naturally the jealous haters will come out of the woodwork. These men were never a shitty group. They didn’t create the cartoon, it was created for them because they were in such crazy high demand!! Have you ever since heard of any musician who was so popular that they made a cartoon inspired by them?? I don’t think so!
I thought the cartoon was hysterical and that all of there songs were beautiful. Not to mention they have true talent. They can sing, dance and play instruments. Your lucky if you can find a musician now a days who can actually sing. Keep on hating jealousy, just don’t try to recruite others. NKOTB ROCKS
Reader April 9, 2008 at 5:17 am
Seriously? They’re really getting back together? I have been so busy lately, I have not heard much news, but this is awesome! Yes, some of the things you mentioned date the group, but the best that NKOTB had to offer was never seen by anyone that didn’t take a closer look (i.e. nearly everyone). Thank you so much for letting me know…I will definitely be buying their CD and going to any reunion concert. Thanks to this website for the heads up!
P.S. Don’t be so hateful just because your wives/girlfriends would most likely still leave you for Danny.
scarlet April 9, 2008 at 9:17 am
WELCOME BACK NKOTB! NKOTB RULES!
iwait2cu April 9, 2008 at 11:02 am
What original thoughts you have! There’s never been an article like this before…hear me laughing? What do you plan to accomplish by writing this? These kinds of articles couldn’t stop NKOTB then or now. You don’t like ‘em? Change the channel.
Why take the time to write this, and gather the videos? Your fascination with them seems strange to me. You seem to be trying too hard to dislike them….just admit you’re jealous, and secretly, you’re a fan.
rugby12 April 10, 2008 at 12:19 am
Dude, sounds like you need to get some pms pills. Get over it. NKOTB can do it all- sing, dance, write songs, produce even run for president . .
So why don’t you pull that plug outta your bitch hiney, come out and just admit that you’re a closet NKOTB fan.
Brenda April 10, 2008 at 12:54 am
No more games is about positivity
And positivity is not about being soft
It’s about being smart
You sucker
Ain’t It Funky
Yeah we’re gonna send this one out
To all those non-believers out there
Who been tryin to put us down and keep us down
For the past five years
I’m gon tell you what
We ain’t goin out like that
You think this is a love song
Wrong
The NKOTB is too strong
Games games games games games
Somebody said somebody
Wouldn’t last too long
Somebody keep going strong
Somebody said somebody was all a front
Somebody still talking junk
Think of what you say
Think of what you do
Think of what you’re trying to put us through
We’re just singing a song
When you put us down
It ain’t gonna get you nowhere
We’re positive
And no matter what you think we really care
Games
Games games games games games
Somebody said somebody worked too hard
Somebody gotta charm some hearts
Somebody said everybody’s gonna wait & see
What’s gonna be is gonna be
We don’t need your games
Think of what you say
Think of what you do
Think of what you’re trying to put us through
We’re just singing a song
When you put us down
It ain’t gonna get you nowhere
We’re positive
And no matter what you think we really care
Games
Ain’t it funky
Games games games games games
Games
Games games games games games
Games
No more games boy
So what ya saying
Beat the beatness
Cos Donnie ain’t playin
Witness the quickness
As I kick this
I’m on a mission
So listen as I dismiss
All this negativity by takin a stand
Cos we’re five bad brothers from the bean town land
No sell out
So get the hell out
We do it our way
Who gives a damn about what critics say
Said we wouldn’t last
Said our time will pass
In just a flash
But we’re still kicking ass
The DONNIE
The WAHL to the BERG
That’s funky
And now the games must cease
And to the non-believers I say peace
Stop playin those games
Boy
Huh-huh
Ahh Yeah
Uh huh Uh huh
Yeah
Whooah
Ain’t it funky
We don’t need your games
Uh-huh
We don’t need your games
Word em up
We don’t need your games
That’s right
Stop playin those games
We don’t need your games
Word
We don’t need your games
Tell em
We don’t need your
We don’t need your
Whooahh
Stop playin those games
Na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
Na na na na
Yeah
Na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
Na na na na
When you gonna stop playing those silly games now
G-g-games now
Danny D
G-g-games now
Jordan K
G-g-games now
Joey Jo
John
Whooah
And Donnie D is in the house
Dick Scott is in the house
M Lou is in the house
North side is in the house
And my man Maurice Star
He’s in the house
I’d like to give a shout out
To Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch
Homework
The Death Duo
Cole & Clavillis
Huh
The Gold Brothers
The Milkbar Mobb
And this record right here
Was made to show & prove
That positivity is not about being soft
It’s about being smart
You Sucker!
Peace
Celeste April 13, 2008 at 1:18 am
I can’t even begin to form a proper response to this article, but I wll say this, you must either be an in the closet fan or you’re really stupid for giving them all of this media attention.
Rob April 14, 2008 at 8:35 am
Holy hell. Look at all the defensive New Kid fans. Great, you like them. Have a cookie. Someone calling them “brilliant musicians and talented performers” may be the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I’d be willing to bet that at least some of the people in their 30’s watching them now are going to ask themselves, “Why in the world did I like this?”
Success in pop music (as short-lived as it is), does not mean that you must be brilliant or talented. News flash. When she first started out (not now, of course), your boyfriends/husbands would have left you for a night with Britney Spears. They were just too smart to tell you. But nobody would say she was brilliant or talented.
They were successful, and now they’re trying to cash in again. I can respect that. If you like them, enjoy the reunion. The rest of us will be shaking our heads trying to understand how such crappy pop music becomes successful. So if you don’t like the ‘hatin’, turn up the volume on your “New Kids Greatest Hits”.
Stormy April 16, 2008 at 11:46 pm
This reunion is a true gift from the guys to their fans, it’s too bad the haters will never understand Ha!
Hailey Garcia April 19, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Rob…who commented on April 14…why would you waste your time writing a comment amoungst all these NKOTB fans. Get laid and get a life!
NKOTB rules….make sure to represent them at the TOday show on May 16!!! I’m flying all the way down from Toronto!
raffel April 20, 2008 at 10:08 am
I honestly cannot believe it; Are all you guys really serious? I mean how can anyone actually like this total and absolute crap? Well I guess all those hours watching TV really makes dumb and dumber and straight down to the bottom where you actually believe that those idiots really have some sort of talent. And you actually like that stuff? I officially declare NKOTB fans BRAINDEAD!
Sarah May 3, 2008 at 1:35 pm
So you think the New Kids have no talent? Maybe they do, maybe they don’t- who cares- they have millions of fans worldwide and made billions of dollars. Now do tell us…how many millions of dollars have you made with all your talent?? None, i expect!! So perhaps its you whos BRAINDEAD after all!!
Lauren May 5, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I just want to thank you for showing me some footage that I had all but forgotten about. It was definitely a trip down memory lane! I loved the Arsenio Hall video. Awesome! I’ve never stopped loving New Kids, and I am ssssooo excited that they are taking the world by storm again. Toronto is ready, boys!!!
Chrissah May 8, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Did you even watch the videos you posted? Theres only 4 of them in the last one but you have to make fun of “all 5 … attempting to rap”. Way to factcheck.
MrsJoeyMcIntyre May 8, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Yeah it does sound like you haven’t gotten over your ex-girlfriends telling you they’d leave you in a heartbeat for any of the NKOTB! Time to grow up and get on with life! NKOTB are back! There are TONS of NKOTB fans that are happy that they are back! I think that you need a shrink to talk to!