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The Cella Dwellas

NBA action, it’s fantastic! Seriously, no sarcasm here, the ’08 playoff run is shaping up to be one of the best in history. But while every team in the West picks up a Hall of Famer and the Celts, Pistons, and maybe Cavs fight it out in the East, let’s not forget the sad sack teams at the end of the pack.

It’s time to turn the microscope onto the short bus riders, the bottom feeders, the Cella Dwellas of the NBA. Why do we give a fuck about the last place squads? ‘Cause they get more ping pong balls in the hopper for the number one pick in the draft a.k.a. The Michael Beasley Sweepstakes. He ain’t no Greg Oden, but dude might actually play next year and he just dropped 44 on Baylor. Check back in from time to time to see who’s losin’ to win.

Heat (9-44) You think D. Wade’s pissed with his squad’s losing ways? Meet Shawn Marion, the saddest man in Miami since Manuel Noriega found out he got traded to the French penal system.

Timberwolves (11-43) What happens when you trade with a team that was accused of tanking games the year before—for the players they allegedly tanked the games with.

Grizzlies (14-42) Probably cursed until they change to a more region-appropriate name (granted, the Jazz are doing fine).

Supersonics (15-40) Speaking of name changes, how does SuperOkies sound?

Knicks (17-39) Nothing much to add that’s not already covered here.