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NBA All-Star Odds

No defense, no passing, who cares? The NBA’s All-Star weekend combines the crass corporate schmoozefest of the Super Bowl (CEOs flossing expense accounts and drunken trophy wives) with the Sex for the Sport Of It atmosphere of an NBA team’s hotel lobby (even Shawn Marion gets laid). For those of us unlucky/sane enough to miss the festivities in person, here’s a quick betting guide for the weekend’s marquee events.

1-10: Odds that Shaquille O’Neal (or any other aging non-All-Star sitting courtside) has a ridiculously over-the-top response to a Dunk Contest slam that ain’t that cool

1-20: Odds that five dozen fans in the stands will hoist “10” signs over the heads based on Shaq’s reaction to slams during the Dunk Contest like so many meat puppets

Even: Odds that a player gets robbed for more than $50,000 worth of jewelry during the weekend

10-1: Odds that another player commits the robbery

3: Over/under on the number of fans that will be able to name all four contestants in the “Skills Challenge” come Monday.

15: Over/under on number of hurricanes consumed by Kwame Brown at the Bourbon Street T.G.I. Friday’s before he finally confronts Michael Jordan about MJ calling him a “flaming [rhymes with maggot]”