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All-Sore Weekend

NBA All-Star 2008 Weekend is almost upon us! If that gives you a stiff one, piss off and suck it. While the league showcases its best and brightest stars in revitalized New Orleans, my New York Knicks look more like the post-apocalyptic Lower Ninth Ward (ask your wodies). Since there’s little greatness to celebrate, Zoloft-poppin’ Captain Knick is gonna give you his most recent causes for depression.

*MSG keeps inviting NFL champion New York Giants players to games, tricking fans into clapping for something. Fans are learning that it takes conditioning to jeer for 41 home games annually. There haven’t been respectable boos or “Sodomize Dolan!” chants in weeks.

*Stephon “Not an All-Starbury” Marbury should finally be winning his title: “Craziest Player of the Year.” His Unabomber-like retreat from society means it’ll probably go to Gilbert “Agent Zero” Arenas. How crazy can you be if you write a coherent blog? Steph is snake shit crazy. You ever even seen snake shit? Didn’t think so.

*Guinness recently named “franchise” center Eddy Curry–all 6-foot 11-inches, 285 lbs. of him–the world’s biggest pussy. Not even whale poon came close. Be sure to look for my “Eddy Curry Vagin-o-meter,” measuring his contractions, coming soon.