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Grand Theft Auto IV: Holdin’ Down The Bloc

Niko Bellic, Grand Theft Auto IV
Today Rockstar officially announced that Grand Theft Auto IV will hit shelves on April 29. You’ll have to wait a few months to get your pillage on as Niko Bellic, the game’s protagonist and the illest Slavic bad guy since Ivan Drago. Until then we have to answer the question, “Who’s the gulliest Slav on the Bloc?” Check out our lineup of Eastern European nasties after the jump.


Vladimir Nabokov
Vladimir Nabokov: In 1954, critics called the Russian's novel Lolita'about a man sexually obsessed with a preteen girl'”sheer, unrestrained, pornography.” R. Kelly called it “inspiring.”

Sickle Rating:
Russian SickleRussian Sickle

Nikolai VolkoffNikolai Volkoff: The Croatian wrestler repped the CCCP and taunted America. He eventually earned U.S. love for battling Saddam sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter during Gulf War I.

Sickle Rating:
Russian SickleRussian SickleRussian SickleRussian Sickle

Vlade Divac
Vlade Divac: The now-retired Slavic NBA star used to run down the court throwing up a three-finger salute'a gesture tied to the ethnic-cleansing Serbian military. Geno-siiiide!

Sickle Rating:
Russian SickleRussian SickleRussian Sickle

Yakov SmirnoffYakov Smirnoff: The Ukrainian-born comedian owed much of his brief '80s popularity to his mockery of ugly Soviet women and the catchphrase “What a country!” Smarten up, Borat.

Sickle Rating:
Russian Sickle

January 24, 2008 | Permalink
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One Comment | Get your avatar here

  • J.B. March 7, 2008 at 8:16 am

    Man ya’ll trippin’ you can’t forget the baddest Russian, Nikkita (spelling!) Koloff. His finishing move was the Russian Sickle! Nuf Said.

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