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Two NFL Games To Watch And One To Ridicule

THE A GAME
Chicago @ Green Bay
If we were given to attaching supposedly clever monikers to the week’s slate of games, we’d probably call Week 5 Showdown Sunday or Separating the Wheat From the Chaff Sabbath or some such nonsense. But we’re not, so we’ll just say a lot of the early season surprise teams have to man up this weekend with Green Bay and Chicago topping the list. The Packers’ 4-0 start and the fact that Brett Favre can still walk much less throw a slant route after nearly 20 years in the league has raised some eyebrows. The fact that the Bears, the defending NFC champs, are in a do-or-die game has a lot of Chicago fans shitting in their beanies. Take a shot of whisky every time you hear an announcer comment on Favre’s “childlike enthusiasm for the game” and you’ll blackout long before Lovie Smith yanks Brian Griese and throws third-stringer Kyle Orton to Al Harris and the rest of the Packers secondary like a piece of meat.

SLEEPER TO WATCH
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis
Tempted to hop back on the Lions bandwagon and put the D.C.-Detroit tangle here, but Bucs-Colts is too interesting. TB’s looked hale and hearty during their 3-1, but appear a little sickly with the season-ending crash of Cadillac Williams last Sunday. Still, the resurgent Bucs defense should give Peyton and the Colts their stiffest challenge yet this year.

WORSE THAN WATERBOARDING
Dallas @ Buffalo
Wonder why they haven’t played a Monday night game in Buffalo in 13 years? Because the Bills fuckin’ suck, that’s why. Meanwhile Tony (No) Romo’s got Big D fans feeling positively gay. Give Wade Phillips another few weeks to fine tune the ‘Boys defense and Dallas-area travel agents can begin to put together package deals to Phoenix for the first week of February.