Did Owen Wilson Throw 8th Kind of Smoke?2:33 pm | Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

While we wish Owen Wilson Godspeed in his recovery for taking way too many valiums (original reports said heroin) after an alleged suicide attempt, we ain’t buying the official version of this story. Let’s face it, Wilson is one of those happy-go-lucky kind of guys and these accounts appear to be an expedient attempt to cover up a good ol’ fashioned Hollywood overdose.

New reports claim he had a falling out with a close friend. Sounds like bullshit to us, especially from a guy who appreciated some jarring from his buddies. This is the same guy that embraced the lewd nickname for someone who likes to lick ladies bottoms, “The Butterscotch Stallion,” without any kind of shame or embarrassment. Not known for being a super-sensitive sap, he didn’t even care that his closest friends were calling him it:

I love that. It's so funny. Because a friend said it to me like a month ago; it was on the internet or something. (Drawing it out with that wonderful, leisurely Texas drawl:) “The Butterscotch Stallion.” That has to be one of the most ridiculous, insane nicknames. But some of my friends have really picked up on it. I think that they know it's so humiliating to me, kind of, “The Butterscotch Stallion.”

So we can rule him out being a delicate and emotional guy who cringes when his friends berate him. And just this past June, PageSix reported that the dude was peddling his 10-speed to the world famous Scores strip club in NYC, and checking his bicycle in with the coat check. He even asked to leave it there, promising to be back for more later with his entourage. Hardly sounds like a depressed guy with friend issues to us.

And although we’d like to bang Kate Hudson, she’s hardly the hottest piece of ass or best he can do. So we can rule out him being depressed without her. Not to mention, who cuts their wrists with a knife after chewing on valiums? We can hardly piss straight on two of those things let alone operating a kitchen utensil after popping a whole bottle. It should also be noted that only lame-o’s take valiums by themselves, any self respecting drug user knows they are only to be used when that bag of coke is starting to run out and your dealer ain’t answering calls.

Owen’s publicist and actor laced family ain’t stupid. Not even a young Lindsay Lohan can get a little public sympathy for being a drug addict, but spiking the story with a suicidal cocktail has a much better chance of getting Owen back into the studios and into a positive public light than a mere drug overdose. Although New York magazine blew off the rather obvious assessment by Dr. Dergarbedian, we’d have to ask if those same people would still be feeling sorry for Wilson if reports came in of an overdose as opposed to a suicide attempt. Chances are, you’re gonna be pretty hard pressed to find a sympathetic soul for a rich, middle aged, famous white guy who decided to take on the role of junkie to compliment his acting career.