We know what you're thinking. What is this stupid flaming pile of crap? Don't worry, there's plenty of time for the payoff, but we must begin at the beginning. Do you remember back in the mid-'90s when people were making weird fantasy Tripod sites on Lycos and searching with AltaVista? Of course you don't, because you're like 15 and you thought this was going to be about sneakers. But people did those things! And when you found a really badass site with a black background it always had wizards and flames just like this! Fine. Just be happy that you didn't grow up 15 years ago when this was the hardest, coolest stuff on the Internet.