1" ABOVE KNEE:
GO LONGER ONLY IF YOU HAVE JOHN MCCAIN'S WRINKLY KNEES. OR HIS WRINKLY BALLS.

3" ABOVE KNEE:
YEAH, YOU'RE STYLE-FORWARD. BUT GET READY FOR BOY SCOUT JOKES. NOW GO SOMEWHERE AND PITCH A TENT.

5" ABOVE KNEE:
ONLY IF YOU'RE ON A EURO BEACH TRIP. OR AT THE ANNUAL NAMBLA BARBECUE.