QUENTIN TARANTINO

WHY: He lived out the fanboy dream: going from a geek in a video store to Hollywood\'s top A-list writer/director/actor. Fincher and P.T. Anderson, all of those clowns try to tell the world how smart they are. Tarantino does that too sometimes, but he\'s still fun and delivers the goods. I look forward to all his movies, especially the upcoming Rodriguez horror collabo Grindhouse.
WHAT THEY SAY to SEE: Pulp Fiction. Ving Rhames getting raped in his ass by a gimp was definitely the highlight. The whole "oh, it\'s out of order" shit was cool, but I saw that in Kubrick\'s The Killing. I think it could\'ve made its point in a half-hour less though. A lot of time you got Tarantino saying, "This shit is really cool, motherfuckers, watch me." You\'re like, yo, tell me the story.
WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE: Reservoir Dogs. It came out right after Bad Lieutenant from Abel Ferrara; all those ill gunplay films were the shit, but Reservoir Dogs was kind of an underground joint that cats who knew their shit liked. Michael Madsen dousing a cop with gasoline and cutting his ear off made this flick legendary in the \'hood.
BITERS: Things to Do in Denver When You\'re Dead. Suicide Kings. Two Days in the Valley. Bullshit movies you watch on cable at like four in the morning for 20 minutes, and then you flip over to the titty channel.
MOTTO: "If you want to make a movie, make it. Don\'t wait for a grant, don\'t wait for the perfect circumstances, just make it."

SPIKE LEE


WHY: I like his shit the same way I like some sitcoms on television-but Do the Right Thing was great. He even directed "Hip-Hop Hooray."
WHAT THEY SAY TO SEE: Do the Right Thing. Too bad a black guy driving around a little white lady won Best Picture that year. My favorite part was when Spike was putting the ice cubes on Rosie Perez\'s nipples. The brown nipples and the ice cubes kinda made up for her mousy voice.
WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE: Bamboozled. I watch it and pretend a white guy made it, and then it\'s a fucked-up racist comedy. When it\'s trying to make a point so hard, it\'s like, leave me alone with this blackface shit.
WHAT YOU SHOULDN\'T SEE: She Hate Me. A straight dude has sex with a bunch of hot-ass lesbians. Sounds like the greatest movie ever made, right? It ain\'t.
MOTTO: "I respect the audience\'s intelligence a lot, and that\'s why I don\'t try to go for the lowest common denominator."


CLINT EASTWOOD


WHY: Shit, he\'s Dirty Harry. He\'s also one
of the pre-eminent directors of the past 20 years.
WHAT THEY SAY TO SEE: Unforgiven. The 1992 Best Picture is the anti-Western: a laid-back gunslinger with a banged-up past just trying to chill out and not kill no one. It\'s cool.
WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE: I\'ll take The Good, The Bad and The Ugly over all the highbrow stuff he directed.
BITERS: Fatal Attraction stole its whole shit from Clint\'s directoral debut, Play Misty For Me. The girl becomes a stalking fucking murderous psychopath and he has to kill the bitch at the end. That\'s a straight jack.
MOTTO: "Without sounding like a pseudo-intellectual dipshit, it\'s my responsibility to be true to myself."


WOODY ALLEN


WHY: People act shocked that that shit happened with his daughter, but all his movies are saying, "I\'m a sick, weasely pervert and I love pussy." That\'s what 80 percent of his movies are about! He\'s as real in the studio as he is in the streets. Rappers talk about guns and don\'t have \'em. Woody really has his guns. He\'ll really bang your daughter.
WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE: Sweet and Lowdown. A retelling of Fellini\'s La Strada, with Sean Penn playing a 1930s jazz musician (based on Django Reinhardt) who bangs a deaf-mute. Music to my ears.
WHAT YOU SHOULDN\'T SEE: Interiors. My boy Frank Henenlotter hates this fuckin\' movie: "Yo man, it\'s just people arguing and yelling and bein\' annoying for a fuckin\' hour and a half."
BITERS: Forrest Gump meeting Nixon and JFK was a complete rip-off of Zelig, which put Allen next to Hitler at a Nazi rally. Now that was gangsta!MOTTO: "If my film makes one more person miserable...I\'ve done my job."


ALFRED HITCHCOCK


WHY: Hitchcock stayed murdering shit from the silent era to the \'70s. He was faithful to his wife yet he made girls look good on-screen.
WHAT THEY SAY TO SEE: Psycho. Big-tittied Marion Crane in a Phoenix hotel getting chopped up by a taxidermist is Hitchcock \'hood code for calling bitches birds.
WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE: Shadow of a Doubt. When Uncle Charlie comes to Smalltown USA, his niece suspects he\'s a pimped-out serial killer preying on rich widows. She\'s not altogether wrong.
BITERS: Brian DePalma is infamous for jacking Hitch, but never being as effective. Black Dahlia was fuckin\' unwatchable.
MOTTO: "If it\'s a good movie, the sound could go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what was going on."

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