Losing the presidential election?

I’m too busy making money to grab the wheel or answer a question like that. My driver carries the keys to my Escalade. You should really ask him.

They walk into a room for five seconds, and the room and everyone in it reeks of their funk for a week. It’s not OK to walk around stinking like Renuzit air fresheners, triggering people’s gag reflex. The only time you should wear that much cologne is if you have a colostomy bag.

I’m a lights-on guy. If you need the lights off, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. You picked the wrong chick. Have some respect for yourself.

I have two definitions, one for me and one for my wife. For me, cheating is full penetration. For my wife, it’s maintaining eye contact with another man for more than 15 seconds.