Tank Johnson from the Dallas Cowboys. He’s the one who got busted with a stash of guns. I saw him on HBO’s Hard Knocks and he was pretty funny. Given his criminal history, I don’t know that I’d say he’s funny to his face, though. Hopefully he won’t take my answer seriously.

I’m the wrong person to ask. I don’t really drink.

I was at someone’s wedding, and everybody wanted to dance, but the DJ was taking 15-minute smoke breaks, keeping everybody standing on the dance floor waiting. At least put a song on!

My Shiseido eyelash curler. It just works. I mean, if you’ve ever seen a woman using an eyelash curler, it kind of looks like a torture device. It’s pretty scary looking. When you find one that works, that’s the one.

Maybe Borat? [Laughs.] Need something to keep it light. Actually, since he’s not American, I don’t think that’s even possible. But neither is me being the president.