CHOICE CUTS
With Slay’s help, Tamia and I decide on the Fabolous/Ne-Yo collabo “Make Me Better,” Trey Songz’s “I Can’t Help But Wait,” and, since Tamia’s a Bronx girl, Remy Ma’s “Fresh.” Our working relationship is starting off very well, though I can’t say I’ve ever had a business meeting with someone wearing a thong. When Tamia finally takes the stage, we exchange a glance, and I promptly cue up...the wrong song. Ever the pro, Tamia takes it all in stride, but Slay looks like he’s ready to slap his least favorite DJ.

RAPPORT’S DELIGHT
After recovering from my initial misstep, it’s time to start ad-libbing with the crowd. The goal of all strip club DJs is to get the patrons tipping, so Slay suggests I warm up the crowd by detailing Tamia’s pole prowess. The phrase “the way she handles that pole” trips me up, so I employ the old public speaking trick of imagining the crowd naked. Not surprisingly, this is very effective; Tamia performing what looks like a triple-gainer kills any nerves I had. Which makes me wonder: Can I trademark the phrase “soul on a pole”?

TURNED TABLES
After Tamia finishes her set, she retreats to the dressing room, then emerges a few minutes later heading straight for the DJ booth. I contemplate escape routes (not to mention my teenage stripper fantasies), but it turns out Tamia isn’t interested in strangling me with her G-string. Instead she spins some records for her girlfriends-and roasts my lack of DJ skills over the mic. I’m cool with this, but I ask, pathetically, “Could I try again sometime?” “You’re sweet,” she replies. “But maybe we’ll start you off with a Bar Mitzvah.”


HOW’D HE DO? by DJ Kay Slay
“He was very...’observant.’ But he has to adapt to the girls’ dance sets a little better. They were complaining about him playing the wrong records all night.”

1) USELESS 2) NOVICE 3) COMPETENT 4) PRO 5) MASTER