Meet the Parents Quiz

Will your interracial relationship survive a holiday visit? Take Complex's quiz and see if you'll still be smashing racism come the New Year.

1. YOU'RE AT YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE AND SIT DOWN TO DINNER TO FIND ONLY CHOPSTICKS. YOU:

A) Use them.
B) Pick them up and say, "Which one's for soup and which one's for salad?"
C) Pull out your own monogrammed pair and do an elaborate head-to-floor bow.
D) Stick them in your mouth like buckteeth and say, "Rook at me! I'm hi-rar-ious!"

2. YOU'RE INTRODUCED TO YOUR BLACK GIRLFRIEND'S COUSIN, WHO JUST "CAME HOME" LAST WEEK. YOU SAY:

A) "So where do you go to school?"
B) "Don't sweat it, my dude, I was happy to give up my spot at Harvard so you could go."
C) "It must have been glorious to stand on the beating breast of Mother Africa."
D) "Dogs, how real is prison rape?"

3. YOUR WHITE GIRLFRIEND'S MOM GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO TALK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE OF YOUR RACE SHE HUNG OUT WITH IN COLLEGE. IN RESPONSE, YOU SAY:

A) "That's funny, in college I minored in veterinary science, so I studied chickenheads."
B) "That's funny, Sasha Grey's Black Cock Addiction 2 was my favorite flick in college."
C) "I went to Vassar-top that."
D) "Hey ma, I'm multicultural, too. It's all pink underneath, right?"

4. THERE'S A LOT OF SPANISH SPOKEN AT YOUR LATINA GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. YOU DON'T SPEAK MUCH SPANISH, SO TO COMPENSATE, YOU:

A) Don't speak unless spoken to-even then, just smile and say, "Si."
B) When in Rome, pull out your best Cheech Marin impression.
C) Shout, "Viva la Raza!"
D) Just add an "o" to every verb and noun you use: "Passo la turkeyo, ese."

5. YOU'RE AT YOUR BLACK GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE WHEN THE TOPIC OF GEOPOLITICS COMES UP AND YOU MISPRONOUNCE THE NAME OF THE COUNTRY NIGER. TO BREAK THE ENSUING AWKWARD SILENCE, YOU:

A) Laugh it off and say, "I haven't said something that offensive since I was in 'Ju-rusalem!'"
B) Try to defuse the tension by mispronouncing another country's name. Unfortunately, you pick Nigeria.
C) Shout, "Reparations now!"
D) Repeatedly drop the N-bomb in the hopes of desensitizing her family.

6. WHILE YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND'S FAMILY PREPARES DINNER, YOU SEE THE FAMILY DOG DISAPPEAR INTO THE KITCHEN, FOLLOWED BY A YELP. WHEN THE MEAL IS SERVED, YOU:

A) Eat it, knowing the stereotype is ridiculous.
B) Say, "I don?t care if this is Heathcliff or Mr. Ed-it's delicious!"
C) Say, "Even when I was in the lower foothills of the Hainan region, I never had canine prepared this well."
D) Lean back and yell, "Who let the dogs out?-woof, woof, woof!"

7. YOU GO TO TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR WHITE GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE WHEN YOU REALIZE THERE ARE NO WASHCLOTHS, ONLY A BAR OF IVORY WITH A BLOND PUBE ON IT. YOU:

A) Use shampoo: no harm, no foul.
B) Use the soap, leaving one of your own pubes on top to promote family unity.
C) Reach into your bag for one of the extra bars of soap you've kept ever since you roomed with a white guy.
D) Storm out of the bathroom and yell, "What's wrong with you devils? Can an original man get a WASHCLOTH around here?!"

8. YOU AND YOUR LATINA GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER VOLUNTEER TO GO TO THE STORE FOR MILK. ON THE WAY OUT THE DOOR YOU SAY TO HIM:

A) "How far is it to the store?"
B) "I love riding the bus with your people!"
C) "I always use two percent leche when I make horchata."
D) "You jimmy the door, I got lookout."

9. AT YOUR WHITE GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE, YOU CATCH A GLIMPSE OF WHAT LOOKS LIKE A WHITE HOOD HANGING IN A CLOSET. YOU:

A) Discreetly ask if her family is Greek Orthodox.
B) Discreetly get a white trash bag out of the kitchen, cut two eye holes, and ask, "Who wants to play Ghosties?"
C) Discreetly mention your proficiency with cross building and your knowledge of flame accelerants.
D) Kill them. All of them.

10. AFTER DINNER AT YOUR LATINA GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE, THE FAMILY GATHERS FOR A LITTLE EVENING ENTERTAINMENT. TO SCORE POINTS, YOU SUGGEST THEY WATCH:

A) "A Christmas Story-en SAP."
B) "Scarface-Pacino's my favorite Latin actor."
C) "My favorite telenovela, El Gringo Diabolico."
D) "The TV. Which truck did it fall out of?"

11. YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED, BUT KNOWING YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS ARE CAREER-ORIENTED, WHEN THEY ASK YOU WHAT YOU DO, YOU REPLY:

A) "Financial analyst."
B) "Pro sumo wrestler."
C) "Shaolin monk."
D) "Massage parlor talent scout."

12. CLARENCE X, YOUR BLACK GIRLFRIEND'S MILITANT BROTHER, DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN HIS HOUSE. YOU REPLY:

A) "Meeting your family. I'm in love with your sister."
B) "Meeting your family. And adding them to my 'Black People I Know' list."
C) "Meeting your family. And trying to divine the supreme mathematics of your sister's Power- U."
D) "Straight up, bro, I'm trying to Superman that ho. Yooouuuuu!"