1. YOU'RE AT YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE AND SIT DOWN TO DINNER TO FIND ONLY CHOPSTICKS. YOU:

2. YOU'RE INTRODUCED TO YOUR BLACK GIRLFRIEND'S COUSIN, WHO JUST "CAME HOME" LAST WEEK. YOU SAY:

3. YOUR WHITE GIRLFRIEND'S MOM GOES OUT OF HER WAY TO TALK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE OF YOUR RACE SHE HUNG OUT WITH IN COLLEGE. IN RESPONSE, YOU SAY:

4. THERE'S A LOT OF SPANISH SPOKEN AT YOUR LATINA GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. YOU DON'T SPEAK MUCH SPANISH, SO TO COMPENSATE, YOU:

5. YOU'RE AT YOUR BLACK GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE WHEN THE TOPIC OF GEOPOLITICS COMES UP AND YOU MISPRONOUNCE THE NAME OF THE COUNTRY NIGER. TO BREAK THE ENSUING AWKWARD SILENCE, YOU:

6. WHILE YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND'S FAMILY PREPARES DINNER, YOU SEE THE FAMILY DOG DISAPPEAR INTO THE KITCHEN, FOLLOWED BY A YELP. WHEN THE MEAL IS SERVED, YOU:

7. YOU GO TO TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR WHITE GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE WHEN YOU REALIZE THERE ARE NO WASHCLOTHS, ONLY A BAR OF IVORY WITH A BLOND PUBE ON IT. YOU:

8. YOU AND YOUR LATINA GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER VOLUNTEER TO GO TO THE STORE FOR MILK. ON THE WAY OUT THE DOOR YOU SAY TO HIM:

9. AT YOUR WHITE GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE, YOU CATCH A GLIMPSE OF WHAT LOOKS LIKE A WHITE HOOD HANGING IN A CLOSET. YOU:

10. AFTER DINNER AT YOUR LATINA GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE, THE FAMILY GATHERS FOR A LITTLE EVENING ENTERTAINMENT. TO SCORE POINTS, YOU SUGGEST THEY WATCH:

11. YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED, BUT KNOWING YOUR ASIAN GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS ARE CAREER-ORIENTED, WHEN THEY ASK YOU WHAT YOU DO, YOU REPLY:

12. CLARENCE X, YOUR BLACK GIRLFRIEND'S MILITANT BROTHER, DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN HIS HOUSE. YOU REPLY: