As told to NATE DENVER
Photographs by JEANEEN LUND
When it comes to watering holes, the barflies on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia—Rob McElhenney, Danny DeVito, Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, and Kaitlin Olson—know more than a roomful of urologists. So before you hit the town for a little liver picklin’, consult the funniest drunks on TV. And please, feel free to enjoy irresponsibly.

GETTING THE BARTENDER’S ATTENTION
Charlie: Being a girl helps.
Kaitlin: One or two titties.
Charlie: Just get as many titties as you can. If you can’t get titties on you, get the titties as close as you can.