Get Your Goat

“Roasting a whole animal on a spit is one of the oldest cooking methods and it’s still one of the best. I like to see what I’m eating in its original form so I don’t forget that it’s an actual animal. And it makes me feel like a caveman.”

WHOLE-ROASTED BABY GOAT

Ingredients:
– 1 baby goat ($146 from Peter’s Meat Market on Arthur Avenue, the Bronx)
– Kosher salt to taste
– Black pepper to taste

Directions:

1. SET Weber Summit E-650 grill ($2,000, weber.com) with motorized spit to high. Or you could go medieval with a stick and an open flame.
2. DECAPITATE goat with cleaver. Set its head aside so it doesn’t have to watch. It’s always real when your food has a face.
3. REMOVE kidneys, heart, and liver with boning knife. Heh... Boning knife.
4. SODOMIZE animal with metal spit—sorry, guy—and guide it through the cavity and neck. Use butcher’s twine to tie it to the spit. Truss legs together.
5. ATTACH goat to spit rotator.
6. SEAR 20–30 minutes until meat blisters and sweats. Nothing sticks to a dry animal. Then sprinkle the kosher salt and black pepper inside and out.
7. ROAST for 3 hours after turning heat to lowest setting. Slow and low, that’s the tempo.
8. ENSURE that the meat is cooked; test often. Don’t go raw, dog.
9. REMOVE legs and crispy outer layer with cleaver, and carve large chunks into bite-sized slices. Arrange artfully.

.