OFFENSE

Some dude’s slow-moving funeral procession causes you to be late for Vin Diesel’s latest action comedy.

THE PRANK

Go to the dude’s funeral, then give a teary-eyed speech about how you were his secret lover for years (this works best if you’re a guy). The looks you will get from his wife/children will be priceless.

DAMAGE

Absolutely zilch. This shit’s perfect.

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