OFFENSE

A jump-off you don’t even really like snaps on you for leaving the toilet seat up.

THE PRANK

Tell her you love her. Get in a serious relationship with her, and, after a few years, ask her to marry you. On the wedding day, when the priest asks you, “Do you solemnly swear?” say, “I do,” and then immediately say, “Psych!” Run out laughing while high-fiving all of your friends who were in on it the whole time.

DAMAGE

You’ll have to put up with some whiny broad for a few years, but the payoff will be so worth it.

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