Smut is the great equalizer, but people love to keep it in the closet. Good thing Seth Rogen and Kevin Smith, star and director of Zack and Miri Make a Porno, have the testicular fortitude to talk about it.

Story by Justin Monroe; Photography by Mark Mann

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(STYLING) LAWREN SAMPLE FOR MARGARET MALDONADO; (GROOMER, SETH & KEVIN) TARRA DAY; (HAIR & MAKEUP, MODEL) SARAH SULLIVAN FOR MARGARETMALDONADO.COM; (SET DESIGN) KENDALL FAETH. (PHOTOS) HOUSTON 620: AVAILABLE AT GOFLIX.COM;SIFFREDI: WIREIMAGE; HOLMES: AP PHOTO

What was your first time, Seth?

Seth Rogen: My friend stole a Penthouse. We must have been 12 years old or something. The girl who was heavily featured in it had one of those really dangly vaginas. Kevin Smith: Meat curtains? Seth Rogen: [Laughs.] I remember that was the first one I’d seen like really up close, and it blew my fucking mind. I was like, “What the fuck is that?!” Even to this day, I don’t think I’ve seen one quite so dangly, so it really made a very odd impression on me. Then when I was like 13, right when I got in high school, my other friend’s cousin gave him a porn; it was called The Fisherman’s Wife. Again, it blew my mind; seeing something going into someone else just seemed like something surgical. Kevin Smith: It also taints your first sexual experience, ’cause you’re like, “I have to do like six or seven different positions in order for it to be considered sex.” Seth Rogen: Exactly. And then, at the end, the guy comes into an ashtray and the girl licks it out of the ashtray. I thought that was normal, like, “Oh, that’s what you do when you fuck somebody.” Kevin Smith: You come in ashtrays to stop pregnancy! [Laughter.]

Kids nowadays have access to the filthiest shit imaginable online. Is that a bad thing? Are you surprised every 15-year-old isn’t a raging psychotic?

Kevin Smith: I feel sad for the youth because it used to be an insanely naughty thing to get your hands on porn, and now it’s just so accessible. Seth Rogen: Oh, don’t feel bad about it. As I grew up, my sexual maturity developed right along with modem speed. Like, the hornier I got, the faster modems got. I feel like kids are going to look at porn no matter what. There were times when we were like 14 years old that we would just go online to find the sickest shit we could possibly find. That was the goal, and I don’t think it fucked us up. I think it got it out of our system, if anything. It doesn’t repress shitting in a woman’s mouth. You’ve seen it when you were 14—you know it’s not something you need to do. Kevin Smith: Seeing someone shit on camera just made me want to hide my shit even more. Seth Rogen: Yeah, exactly! Kevin Smith: Like, “Nobody can see this angle of me.” It doesn’t look good with an attractive woman—it’s gonna look worse coming out of a hairy ass. Seth Rogen: There was one where a guy was spread-eagle on a piano and a woman was eating his ass out; I remember thinking, “He looks so vulnerable!” I felt so bad for him! [Laughs.] Kevin Smith: “Why won’t someone help him?!” Seth Rogen: He looked like a turtle that had been flipped on his back! Kevin Smith: Do you still surf net porn? Seth Rogen: Oh yeah, definitely. Kevin Smith: What is your preference? I find myself moving further and further away from styled shots and lights and shit. Seth Rogen: Oh yeah, more amateur. The POV amateur! Kevin Smith: It’s kind of sad and wrong, but there are websites where you can see people’s girlfriends. Home // CELEBRITIES // COVER STORY // Seth Rogen & Kevin Smith