// Leaders of the New // Emile Hirsch
RESUMÉ '80s baby actor-of-all-trades
IN 2008 Speed racer in Speed Racer
IN 2008 Speed racer in Speed Racer
He's played a skate legend (Lords of Dogtown), a homicidal pot dealer (Alpha Dog), and a road-tripping idealist (Into the Wild), but in '08, Hirsch ups the pop-culture ante as the eponymous prodigal son in the Wachowski Brothers' Speed Racer-no toonin', strictly live action. So ask yourself: Who's the Mach? Gentlemen, you may start your box-office predictions.
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IT'S NOT ALL RAH-RAH, PEOPLE. WHO'S TAKING AN L IN '08?
MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD
You got by on the beard and the appealingly delusional despotism for long enough, Mahmoud. There just aren't enough impressionable coeds in this country to make us pretend to humor you anymore.PEREZ HILTON
If we want to see a bitchy know-it-all with a fat-kid complex, we'll watch The View. Who at VH1 smoked dust and gave you a show, anyway? We'd rather watch New York's mom's sex tape.BARACK OBAMA
E for effort, big homie, but you'll be seeing red (states) come November. Don't worry, you've still got a few terms left before you're corrupt enough not to care what happens to our country.STEVE CARELL
We still love The Office, but how many times can you play a warmhearted family man who becomes a warmer-hearted family man? Last chance: if Get Smart is as wack as we fear, we're sending Jonah Hill to take a crap on your chest.