David Gonzalez

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RESUMÉ Flip Skateboards
IN 2008 Going pro before he can vote

Newsworthy skateboarders come in small packages these days, but when Flip Skateboards unveiled the little man with big-boy tricks a few years back, this kid stood above the pack. The Colombian native is still locking down his teens (the big 1-7 this year), so take a few minutes on YouTube and get familiar.

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IT'S NOT ALL RAH-RAH, PEOPLE. WHO'S TAKING AN L IN '08?

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD

You got by on the beard and the appealingly delusional despotism for long enough, Mahmoud. There just aren't enough impressionable coeds in this country to make us pretend to humor you anymore.

PEREZ HILTON

If we want to see a bitchy know-it-all with a fat-kid complex, we'll watch The View. Who at VH1 smoked dust and gave you a show, anyway? We'd rather watch New York's mom's sex tape.

BARACK OBAMA

E for effort, big homie, but you'll be seeing red (states) come November. Don't worry, you've still got a few terms left before you're corrupt enough not to care what happens to our country.

STEVE CARELL

We still love The Office, but how many times can you play a warmhearted family man who becomes a warmer-hearted family man? Last chance: if Get Smart is as wack as we fear, we're sending Jonah Hill to take a crap on your chest.